We All Well Know...

I have never had a spiritual experience--but I came pretty damn close tonight during the mewithoutYou concert. Only a band with an amazing back-catalog and a diverse sound could ever have this effect on me--and I was lucky enough to be there for it to happen.

Chanting the lyrics in a tiny bar, while others around me did the same, was at the same time both therapeutic and deeply emotional. My lungs were gasping for breath at the end of every song--having screamed as loudly as possible.

She's like a hot cloth on a fevered head,
And like a needle she leads me (while I follow like thread)
Tie me up! Untie me! All this wishing I was dead is getting old...
IT'S GETTING OLD!!
... it goes on, but it's old.
-"Tie Me Up! Untie Me!"

How can I even respond to that? The imagery and sound is just so touching that it's hard for me to even put its effect into words. Aaron Weiss--as Kevin and I were joking--may not be the voice of our mainstream generation, but he is undoubtedly the greatest lyricist I have been able to witness in his prime.

You know, I always used to scoff at those people in church who would raise their arms to the sky and gyrate along to the music as if possessed--but now I completely understand. I had my spiritual moment tonight, and I feel very different. I still don't truly believe in any God--but I definitely believe in myself more than I ever have. I caught myself raising my hands to something I don't believe in.

Tie me up! Untie me! It doesn't matter at this point. I've let loose my ties to the past and moved on. Her ideas of perfection always bothered me, but part of me always wanted to believe along with her. I wanted to believe her when she said we were "perfect for each other," which, of course, was not true. I was never able to believe--mostly because of my general stubbornness--and I'm glad I never succumbed to those feelings. My spirituality is simply not found within the walls of a church. I found it tonight. Perfection is such an odd concept. It is one theory that can rarely be observed. The "perfect" circle. "Perfect" symmetry." She can believe it if she'd like--but I feel sorry for her. Truly.

If you fail to see a problem, which I find hard to believe,
Or if you're hanging on from branches licking honey from the leaves;
You say, "The hopelessness of living... and the childishness of suicide!"
But there's a call to love my brother that can never be destroyed.
-"Leaves"