The Way Young Lovers Do

I've noticed something not too recently--mostly about my own relationships and dorky crushes.

Most of the girls I've been attracted to, either for a brief moment or a long period of time, have all been very faithful to some higher power. This pattern stretches all the way back to my Freshmen year, but I'm just now seeing it.

I've never been particularly religious, which has been a struggle for me since around 7th grade. I did go to church as a kid--but I never acknowledged those nights as actual spiritual events. The Christian activities we would go through were always just minor inconveniences in the path toward playing around with my friends. These experiences have obviously spilled over into my high school years--but my lack of faith has affected me more than I'll let myself believe.

Is it wrong of me to not want to go to church? My sister is afraid that I'll go to Hell--but even that doesn't convince me to try to change my ways. In all honesty, I don't think I can change my ways. Flipping through channels with preacher after preacher just totally disgusts me--but I can never pinpoint the reason why that is.

But I think I'm starting to realize my reasoning.

During the time of night when most people are praying--I'm listening. When most people are praising--I'm writing. When most people are worshiping--I'm too busy thinking.

I've now learned that I have a negative view towards religion because I've replaced these normal religious activities with my own sense of introspection and thought. I'm not one of these "God Hates Fags" people and I don't protest outside churches, but I feel that my own way of worship is better for myself--so I don't plan on changing anytime soon.

So now I'm trying to fill that spiritual void in myself, with ever-degrading results. Fortunately, this leads me to listen to more music--which brings me to new heights during every listen.